Why You Shouldn't Spy on Your Friends
by spilledink7
Summary: Hermione's been disappearing a lot and her two friends want to know why.  One illegal potion later and they get their answer, and they really wish they hadn't.  DHr with some suggestive content, but nothing too bad.


**Disclaimer: Plot's mine, characters and setting aren't**

**Author's Notes: Um… 7****th**** book never happened. Mk?**

Why You Shouldn't Spy on Your Friends

"I don't know, Ron… It just doesn't look quite right to me."

The youngest male Weasley rolled his eyes, stirring the potion once more.

"Quit worrying, that's Hermione's job, remember?"

And with that the conversation ended. But it did nothing to soothe Harry's nerves. The thick liquid in the cauldron slowly came to a simmer, Ron flipping the pages of Harry's Potions book. He tried to ignore the confused look on his friend's face, hoping the mixture hadn't gone horribly wrong as a result.

"Ron… maybe we should ask Hermione for help, this _is_ a really complex potion. It's not exactly your typical 7th year assignment. And it didn't come from my book, remember? It's _Snape's_."(Ok so he decided to keep Snape's textbook, was that really a crime?)

Ron snorted. "You know _exactly_ what'll happen if we tell her. She'll freak out and demand that we don't do it, say that becoming an illegal animagus is way too dangerous, and start blathering on about that awful Skeeter woman. Is _that_ what you want Harry?"

He blanched. Well… no, that wasn't what he wanted, but the more he looked at the potion Ron was attending to the more he felt a bit sick to the stomach.

"I guess not… it just doesn't feel right is all."

"It's going to be fine. All we have to do is follow the directions! And they can't be wrong, this is Snape we're talking about."

Harry sighed. "I'm not worried the directions are wrong, I'm just worried about _following _them. Really, could Snape have any more of a crappy handwriting? What does that say, Beetle Wing or Beetled Wing? Those are two completely different things!"

And just like that he'd started to panic again. His breath started coming in shorter gasps, and automatically his feet moved in the direction of the door. Out of the room and in search of Hermione.

Ron's eyes narrowed. "Oh no you don't." And he snatched Harry's arm, bringing him back to sit on the bathroom floor. "We've already started this. If you chicken out now this'll all go to waste. And then a month later you'll be mad that you didn't have the guts to pull through, want to try again, and then we'll have to collect the supplies all over again. Don't you remember how long it took us to get everything? I'll tell you right now I won't do it, so you're not leaving."

Slowly the logic behind Ron's words sunk into his brain, and everything became calmer.

"Ok, is it finished yet?"

"Just about, all we need is to add the Murtlap essence."

Harry nodded, moving to grab the flask. Slowly he let one tiny drop fall into the potion.

A loud hissing noise immediately came from the cauldron, which was suddenly emitting plumes of purple smoke.

"Oh shite! Ron, is it supposed to do that?!"

Frantically Ron flipped through the pages, skimming paragraphs until he came at last to the final step. Immediately he calmed down, showing the book to Harry.

"Oh thank Merlin, it's fine. We did it perfectly Harry, we're done!"

The two boys whooped and exchanged a "very manly hug", both caught up in their own excitement. Immediately they both siphoned out a glass for each other.

"Well, bottoms up!" and Ron downed the drink. Harry immediately followed.

The effect was immediate. Suddenly Harry felt his body start to stretch and pull, his face changing shape and his legs growing smaller and smaller. And suddenly the world looked a whole lot _bigger_.

As soon as he felt the transformation was complete, he turned to face the mirror, staring at his reflection. He and Ron wore matching faces of horror.

"Oh no! We're _cats_!" Ron moaned, immediately jumping back when the sentence came out in a line of tortured meows. "I'd always thought I'd be cool animal, like a hawk or something. But a _cat_!"

Harry agreed completely, but couldn't help but see the positive side as well.

"Well… I guess this makes the second part of our plan easier. We're a lot more likely to get into Hermione's common room."

They knew from the beginning it wasn't good enough to just successfully turn to their animal form. If not brewed exactly right, there were many ways to identify an animagus, and since they both had illegally become one, they needed to be sure they had no such signs. And who better to test themselves on than Hermione? She'd be able to spot something like that a mile away.

They had started plotting at the beginning of the school year when Harry found the potion in his textbook. (Or Snape's, whichever way you look at it). It took three long months to get everything set up, but now they were finally at the end, and only the test remained.

"Ready?" Harry asked.

Ron nodded, and they both left Myrtle's bathroom, heading off to the Head dorms.

Harry felt nervous. After all it was a bit strange to be so openly doing something illegal in public, but cats wandering through Hogwarts wasn't such an abnormal thing since so many students kept them as pets.

It still was a bit awkward walking through the halls. Classes had apparently just let out, and dozens of students milled about. Girls stopped to coo at them, scratching them behind the ears or petting their fur, which felt pretty damn good actually. Harry glanced down at his paws. Apparently his dark hair had carried over, as he was a black cat. He looked over to Ron, who had become a Tabby.

"You think she'll be there, right? I mean, that's gotta be where she keeps running off to."

Since the beginning of school, they hadn't seen hide nor hair of Hermione. They pegged it down to Head Girl duties, and for the time being had left it alone.

Ron nodded. "I'm sure of it. Where else would she go where we couldn't find her?"

Still little alarm bells rang in the back of Harry's mind. "But what if she's not there?"

"Then we wait 'til she gets there."

Harry shook his head. "That's not what I meant. I mean, what if she's not there, but Malfoy _is_."

Ron scowled darkly. "The ferret won't be there, he probably still spends all of his time in the Slytherin dungeons. Probably just ignores his head duties completely and makes Hermione do all the work."

Ron suddenly jumped, as if just realizing something.

Harry turned to him, worried, only to become immediately surprised to see embarrassment stretching across his cat-like features.

"You don't think… she'll be… dancing around in her knickers or something, do you?"

Harry laughed. Ron's crush on Hermione was extremely obvious, yet he refused to do anything about it, denying it whenever confronted.

"No Ron, I don't."

"Ok, good."

If cat's could blush, Ron would've been tomato red.

Finally they reached the entrance to the head dorms, and immediately both started scratching at the door and meowing loudly.

Nobody came for several minutes, until suddenly the door was wrenched open and they were met by a very pissed off Draco Malfoy.

"Shite." Ron said.

The two Gryffindor sat frozen, looking up at the enraged Slytherin cautiously.

"Fucking cats… damn things won't shut up." he muttered. "Your masters don't live here. Now shoo."

Neither of them moved.

The blond sighed, and opened the door wider. "Well come on in then."

Ron and Harry looked at each other, shocked. Was he… letting them in?

Not wanting to lose the opportunity, they both bounded inside.

Malfoy scowled and sat down at a desk which sat on the far side of the common room.

"Just don't bother me until Hermione gets here. She'll figure out something to do with you things. Oh Merlin help me, I'm talking to cats…" He muttered to himself and pulled out a quill and parchment, ignoring them.

The two gaped at him.

_Did he just say Hermione?_

"Something is seriously wrong with Malfoy," Ron murmured.

Harry agreed, he seemed almost… civil. Which was wrong. _Really _wrong. What had happened to the world? Malfoy was nice and Hermione was nowhere to be found. It was just wrong.

Suddenly Malfoy lifted his head, and his face brightened. And dear Merlin, did he smile? Please don't tell me he smiled. Malfoy does _not_ smile.

"Hey, you're back." he said.

Ron and Harry turned to see… Hermione? What was he smiling at Hermione for?

"I _hate_ being at the library at this time. It's too noisy! But I really needed that book so…" she trailed off, dropping her book bag onto the couch.

Malfoy rolled his eyes. "You mean the one for our advanced charms essay? The one due in two weeks?"

She blushed and nodded.

Harry and Ron looked at each other, shocked. There were acting like friends! …Were they friends?

Suddenly Hermione noticed them, and immediately came over.

"And who are you two?" she said sweetly.

She didn't seem to notice… maybe they _had_ done the potion perfectly.

Malfoy scowled. "They scratched at the door for five minutes until I just let them in. Stupid persistent things…"

"Draco!" she scolded.

Draco…?

"They're just cats, who are probably lost. Aren't you two?"

Harry and Ron sat there, tails swishing lightly. What were they supposed to say? Meow?

"Oh well, I'll help them find their way back later." And with that she sat down on the couch, and started pulling out her books, sighing tiredly.

Malfoy immediately snapped to attention.

"You alright, Granger?"

She bit her lip, but nodded. "Yes, I'm just a bit stressed right now. We have to do the prefect schedules for the new term, I have tons of work… it's just a lot to deal with right now."

Malfoy smirked, and slowly he stood up from his chair, moving to stand behind her.

Suddenly he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.

"Well maybe I need to help you de-stress."

Harry's heart stopped. He couldn't mean… they couldn't possibly be…

"Would you now, Mr. Malfoy? Taking time off from your busy Head Boy duties?"

Was it just his imagination or had she _really_ put extra emphasis on a few choice words?

"Of course," he purred. "for my Head Girl."

And did _he_ really just do the same thing??? Had the world really gone mad?

Malfoy gave a low growl, and turned her around, smashing his lips down onto hers.

That was it. The world had gone mad.

Harry turned to Ron, who was looking on with disgust and hurt. His crush was snogging his worst enemy.

Hermione gasped, moving her hands up to clutch at his hair, returning the kiss in with equal fervor. Together they moved to the couch, where Draco viciously pushed her books off onto the floor.

"Draco… my books," she groaned, trying to be mad.

"Damnit, forget the books." And he returned his lips to hers. She didn't argue.

Malfoy maneuvered them so that she lied beneath him, running his hands up her sides to stop at the sides of her breasts. When he finally cupped them in his hands, she arched up into him and gasped.

It was at this point Harry and Ron finally broke free of their frozen state. Both started screeching loudly, sounding something like cats drenched in water.

Malfoy lifted his head from Hermione's neck, hair mussed and lips swollen.

"Silencio." he muttered, and turned back to the writhing girl beneath him.

Not knowing what else to do, the two ran up to the couch and jumped on the Slytheirn, still screeching soundlessly.

"Ow, fuck! Damn cats!" He shoved Harry and Ron away, muttering another spell, and with satisfaction returned to Hermione.

They started to move forward again and were suddenly thrown back by an invisible force. The bastard had put up a wall! Not only couldn't they stop him, but now they couldn't even get away! It was like watching a train wreck, they didn't want to watch. But slowly they felt their eyes being drawn back to the couple on the couch, until they stared unabashedly.

Horror washed anew as they saw Malfoy's hand drift underneath her skirt. Suddenly Hermione moaned, throwing her head back and gasping.

"Oh god, Draco, yes!"

This wasn't happening. Harry was sure he'd be insane by the time this was over. And oh Merlin Ron! He liked Hermione! How would this affect him. He looked back over to Ron who was staring fixatedly at the couple. Or staring fixatedly at the girl he wanted coming apart in another person's arms.

Suddenly Hermione shuddered, gasping with a new fervor, and moaning the enemy's name over and over. And then it was over. Thank Merlin it was over.

Suddenly she looked back over to her two friends in the corner.

"Oh god I forgot they were here!" She started to wriggle out from underneath him, looking slightly mortified.

"Hermione, calm down."

She frowned, her movement hindered by the spell which apparently went both ways.

"Draco Malfoy remove whatever spell you used right now!"

Sighing, he flicked his wand and the walls fell. Hermione bent down to scoop them up, when suddenly Harry and Ron sprang off, running towards the exit at breakneck speed. With their combined effort, they managed to push the door open and fled.

Hermione frowned. "I hope those two cats find their owners."

Malfoy smirked. "Oh, those weren't cats. That was Potter and Weasley."

**Author's Notes: I would really like it if you would review : Makes an author feel good.**


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